absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
