Pappa wants mamma naked
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I came so hard my ears popped.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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