You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
