i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
