Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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