tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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