Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I enjoy the company of your penis
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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