hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
