I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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