he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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