That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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