aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
