Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
