I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
