He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
