somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
