I wish I only lived at night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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