apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
