I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
