this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
