The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So vagazzling was a success
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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