I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
