My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
