my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
