It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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