Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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