the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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