he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Two words: blizzard sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
