she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
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