Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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