i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
