I think I am morally bankrupt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
