Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
