We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need to align my fucking chakras
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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