i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
