I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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