I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
