I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
