The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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