Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
