Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
