You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
