please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Congratulations! We have a period
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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