It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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