weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
