Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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