I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
try to milk me bitch
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