that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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