I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
