so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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