pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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