and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
