just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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