it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
