good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
