Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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