Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
