Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
