When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I believe in your delicious
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
