She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
