Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
