I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
its liver damage thursday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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