I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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