so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
